When I was a girl I always was laying on my back looking into the clouds with thoughts of my adult life I always wanted to be a different age than I was. Like the fluffy clouds I thought life would be like a dream all fluid and soft. My parents made it look easy. Over the years I realized that it was not going to be that easy and how the trick to life is how not to become a sour and bitter person but to truly make the world a better place by being in it. So at 50 years of age I divorced my husband of 20 plus years, dropped 30 pounds and actually spent my birthday in the Spa getting facial treatments. I still had IT after all!!!! It worked, I signed up for Match.com, and Eharmony. Meet Richard on my 51st birthday on EHarmony. Some family say that I always land on my feet (white horse story) and I am sure it looks that way to some but truth be told my life has been one struggle after another in which I have learned many things about survival and how to be happy. This blog is not about struggles, it is not a love story, or about a wonderful sexy and beautiful man, it is about life taking its toile and how when you are at any crossroad you can have a learning story to tell you. This story is for people everywhere. I am not any different than you, three kids, death of my parents, and my friends, love and then divorce, giving and taking in relationships, and having wise person’s to steer you in the right direction, surprise parties and illnesses, love, kindness, hatred, WTF, solitude, no peace and quiet, etc. But I hope it will bring you courage, laughter and a strong belief in humanity and what your life can be or you can make it for others.
I was born the second girl and second child of four. Me, I am the vivacious and full of life kid, always in trouble and never at peace. You’ll be able to judge for yourself later. My mother was one of many polish children and raised on a farm in western Massachusetts. She passed away at age 59, what I will now call the prime of our life. My father was a hardworking funny Frenchman who seemed to have life under control for the most part. After Mom died and Dad remarried soon thereafter to Mary, a very Irish Catholic women. He died sometime later and then she died years after that. My parents are somehow still present in my life spiritually. I can feel it.

I was not a good student. I got by but by the skin of my teeth. I was more interested in the social aspects of school. I took my SATs never really thinking of going to college thinking maybe a bank employee was more my style. To everyone’s surprise I scored pretty high in the 600 something range while a lot of my smart friends were in the low 600 or high 500s. So college bound. Of course my parents were not prepared for me to go to college so I worked hard all summer long and bought my car and saved for community college. Mass Bay was my college for two years. Accountancy major. I had a accounting teacher who pulled me aside and said when all else fails pursue accounting you have a natural talent. So Mr Cappuci guidance lead me. I was not excited by accounting so I applied to Suffolk law for business law. Hated it. I was more black and white vs grey. Moved to California and got a job in hospitals. Accounting but picked up on regulatory issues which drew me out of my cubicle and made a career out of Reimbursement. Combining law and accounting. That excelled my career and eventually worked as Comptroller, to CFO, to group CFO to regional CFO covering the whole west coast. Overseeing 30 hospitals from Alaska to Texas. I was also the first female CFO in for profit hospital chains for Tenant health. They tried to fire me but I survived with the support of my staff and CEOs. The rest is history.

I worked in the healthcare industry since 1975 and was very highly regarded by my peers. Once sought after by competitors and truthfully at the top of my game. I decided to leave the comfort of my mentor and a community health center I had been with for 10 years. This was difficult but I knew at the time I needed to realize my full potential and gain a deeper understanding of my capabilities. I then went to work for the big boys in Boston.
Fast forward a bit, I changed jobs again due to two crazy CEOs who were a mess. Went back to a smaller system with one CEO and I knew all the staff by name something I missed. After 4 months as COO and CFO=CAO I had the stroke, and they let me go since I wasn’t the girl they hired. Which got me thinking…something I did not normally do but I am sure it was the brain injury? Health can define you no matter how good or how bad. I looked at my friends, family and co-workers and they all seem to have that in common. Well I will be dammed it is not going to define me. So at 58 I am probably one of the few that had Jerviderm for a stroke related facial droop instead of wrinkles. Literally in your face stroke! I proceeded to realize how things were starting to change for me starting small like no more dresses which is a sin because I have great legs and love high heels.
So I ask myself now…who is the choreographer of my life. I am absent of some function, some touch, music, dance, my spirit does not surrender yet I am not helpless. I was before when I was laying in bed and I couldn’t tell where my body began and the bed ended. We were one. I couldn’t move anything until I looked at my hands that were clubbed and people told me to stretch out my hands so that they would not stay that way which reminded me of my mom who used to say don’t make that look or your face may freeze that way. Funny too I look at the faces of my children and other visitors and crap my face is frozen with a facial droop and I don’t recall every using this face! People were all witnessing my illness but I was completely absent from any medical problems I was upset that I was alive and not functional, a pile of trash just sitting in a bed. My brain shorted out and I no longer had a connection to my life. Would I morn its loss or just carry on not noticing my incompleteness. The clock would monitor my life, between PT, OT, and ST and food. I hit my one year anniversary and think of my no cigarettes for a year as the only accomplishment. I do not see this anniversary as an accomplishment medically. You see I still feel exactly as I did the day I was admitted to rehab. Ya I can get out of a wheelchair, awkwardly blow dry my hair without burning myself, eat. But somehow I did not know how to be me. So my story is about just that how the new me rose to the top, leaving the old me still noticeable but not the same.