I never really was big on mirrors. Always feeling inadequate in one way or another when the looking glass told my truth.

It was funny when my youngest (Megan) girl used to look in the mirror to watch her tears roll down her face. I ended up having to take mirrors out of her room. Why she did this I have no idea still till this day.

Let me start with family….It was  my sister Sue who always was checking on my progress and well being while in the hospital.  She like most sisters are your first mirror in life.  They actually start at maybe two years old telling you who you are to them and they never stop because you need there approval in an effort to see your own reflection.

My kids,  Montana is the voice of reason (coined from Melissa) after being the only boy in a house full of female hormones he is the voice in our heads now that says….WWMD.  What would Montana do?  Montana is what I call an old soul he is always in control of a situation and level headed and might I say a bit old fashion. He is a rock and held the alpha male role in our family. He is the voice in my head reflecting out his perspective.

Melissa is warm and has a heart of gold.  She is the responsible one emotionally since she always has been the middle child she learned early on to be the mediator for everyone and make a list of things that need to be done. She always sees the good in everything. Her mirror always has been a positive outlook on life. I was so excited to have my first girl, she however was not a girly girl. No mirrors for her, no makeup or otherwise. She just reflects out a positive reflection for others.

Megan, not so much the baby anymore, is our “truth be told” go to gal.  If you want to hear the truth ask Megan.  She loves like no other but she also can be brutally honest (in a loving way). Hence the mirrors in her room being removed. Lol

Friends:

Sarah Jean, well Sara and I have seen each other at our best and our worse!  Memories galore of our friendship from 5 to 60s. Sara has also been my sister by another mother…she comes to the hospital every Saturday night and takes me for a ride in the wheelchair, or just brings hair dye, or sits and talks.  Mostly listens to me…and of course takes a peek at my medical record to make sure everything is in order (She is a clinician)! She made it palatable to look in the mirror.

Debbie H. Flys out from California because she knows the kids need a break from me when I finally get released from the hospital and she is there waiting to take care of me.  She is giving me pedicures, showers, and Helping cook especially with the thanksgiving dinner.  Mind you she is a CPA and November is a busy (round up my clients) time for her.  She takes time away from her practice and livelihood to be with me. I try to find myself thru her reflection of the old me.

I walked into Siros. Sat down on a Friday night alone at the bar ordered a drink and Debbie walks in also alone for takeout. We had never meet before but we get talking and she is at a crossroads in her career, I am at a crossroad in my career (just getting back to work). We quickly become friends. She pointed out talents I forgot I had with a fresh set of eyes. The mirror she held up reminded me that I had more to offer still. We are still friends but miles apart both in lifestyles (I’m retired) and I also moved closer to kids. I love seeing her although it is not enough these days.

Pat Green watched me as I came back to work. She watched me struggle every morning with my disability. She is the one who actually diagnosed me with left neglect. Calmly she told me I should read a book called Left Neglect. She, I think is the only person who read it and saw me in each line. I actually think she is the only friend that has read about my disability even when I told people of this women’s story. The author is a doctor and although she has a happier quick recovery compared to me it still outlines my life everyday in recovery.

Doreen worked with me before stroke. She walks into my apartment and says: your branches are all twisted up (life tree). She says you need to pray to archangel Metatron. He will spend you messages to get your life moving in the right direction. I did. I dreamed of airplanes! Why I have no idea but I paid attention to my dreams. Then on the fifth day of praying Leslie calls me and said “wanna go to Quito Ecuador with me for a month in July?” I said yes and we traveled from that day forward for 4 years.

Then there are the wonderful friends that hold a special place in my heart since I never stop learning and growing through their inspiration and guidance. Truth is it was not hard to find if my heart and mind were open to it.

There is no other person who compares to my friend Paulette!!! She has been my go to girl for fashion, for boyfriends/love, and every moment in between.  We will grow old together (okay maybe we are old by some peoples standards)  We traveled near and far….danced through the night after skiing all day long.  We sang our hearts out in the car when the moment hit us to do so, we dreamed of our futures together and raised our kids together.  Friendship so inspiring I would call her first when happy or sad. She was my first person to try to recall who I was before stroke and who I was becoming now. She was the hyphen of before after. I needed to have her guidance to move forward without it I would still be lost in the confusion.

Richard okay so he is not really labeled as my friend since we have had more of a relationship than just friends but he is my guy who somehow always shows up when nobody has told him to do so.  He is my adult boyfriend and after bottles and bottles of wine, cigarettes and non-stop all night talking about life we have a bond that just will never ever go away.  Richard I think knows me best, well at least he knows my side of all the stories the best.  He believes in me when I could not believe in myself, he somehow always says or does the right thing at the right moment, I am somewhat lost without him but we moved forward in different directions while life was busy throwing us curveballs. He just showed up at the hospital ICU because he is a cop he probably had the Bedford cops on alert to notify him should anything happen concerning me or the kids. He was my safety net after divorce and becoming a single parent. We have lost touch a bit but always touch base on birthdays.

Roni my little sister, has been there as I grow into a new me. She wasn’t there to witness the comeback days but helps me move through “The reality”. She is kinda my homemaker. My drivers Education teacher too! It’s so weird she taught me how to move forward and regain some control as an independent person yet once I mastered that she abandoned me for no particular reason. It’s funny how when people are weak and in need of support they are there but once you are empowered they can’t handle you.

But the real mirror was during occupational, speech and physical. I had two years of training my brain to walk and move in such a way I could mimic my right side. I would walk in front of a mirror for hours everyday, talk in front of a mirror, use my hands in sync with each other. So I looked like I had a left side to the world. It saved me when walking with out dragging my drop foot. I recall my mom saying ” get your walk to be memorable as when you enter a room you should always make an entrance that people will notice”. This involved walking with a book on my head in my younger years and now it involves training my brain to do the same. I still use windows when out walking downtown to strengthen my gait.

So mirrors have played a big part in my life and kick ass recovery.